Hold my breath and I'll count to ten.

Hey Hey! Not going to say I forgot about xanga, but my life has been crazy busy. Working 3 jobs and trying to balance a life, even if I'm not going to school, isn't easy. I love my 10 to 6 work days and my crazy weekends, but I finally have a weekend off, so I thought now would be a good time to post. Hope everyone is doing well, and enjoy your three day weekend :D

There are things we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go.

Sometimes I worry because I worry too much about everyone else and nobody seems to worry about me.

The bad thing about falling to pieces is that it hurts. The good thing about it is that once you're lying there in shards, you've got nothing left to protect, and so you have no reason not to be honest.

Giving up on you? I honestly had to force myself to give up on you. To be able to no longer have the feeling to talk to you. It's hard letting go but I was only hurting myself. Most of the time I cared way too much about you and yet I got nothing in return. Everything was killing me inside and I did nothing about it until now. I was afraid of losing someone like you but doing this was the best idea for me. One day you'll notice that you lost someone that actually did care.

Why do I care? I care because I knew you for two weeks and I feel like I’ve known you for two years. I care because you’re the only one I can talk to without feeling judged, or misplaced. Or labeled or whatever. I care because when I look at you, I feel happy. Not the kind of happy that lasts a couple hours. The kind of happy that I know will be guaranteed for, well as long as I’m with you. I care about you because I know you care about me. Well actually I don’t know because you’re so hard to read. But for once it’s great I know that everything will be okay. But uhh that’s only if I know for sure that you care. If not then fuck everything, you know?

The only reason I love sleeping so much, is because my life has a tendency to fall apart when I'm awake...

And through all of this I've learned that sometimes things come to an end so that better things can fill up the holes left behind. And I'm figuring out that even though heartbreak is lonely and painful, it doesn't last forever. So I suppose this is finding peace in the fact that I've figured out who I really am.

As much as I love listening, I wish I never had to hear some of the things people had today.

I most likely don't care about your life, or what you are doing, but I will always listen. Because sometimes that's all we really need.

I can't put my feelings for you into words, but I can try. I don't want to be with you, but I love you. I love you more than love itself. I love the person you are and the fact that you say you care about me. I know you don't, but it's nice to hear sometimes.

If a drunken mind speaks a sober heart, than you are really mean.

You can't depend on anyone but yourself. Not even your best friends. It's a nice idea, the fact that you can count on other people, but in reality it doesn't exist.

I truly believe every single person is perfect, because perfection has yet to be defined.

If this is how you choose to treat people you care about, then I am more than happy to mean nothing to you.

I love that butterfly feeling when you first meet someone, and all you can think about is how adorable they are.

I've been California wishing on these stars.

HelloHello!

Please Enjoi ;D

One thing I don't understand is why so many people expect me to be miserable just so they can be happy. I have done that my whole life, doing everything I hate doing just so someone else can be satisfied. Isn't it about time that it's my turn to be happy.

Sometimes I just need someone to listen to my thoughts and not judge me for what I am thinking. I thought you were the person who could do that, I thought you were my best friend.

I don't know what we are. Sometimes I feel like we're friends, sometimes I feel like we're more than friends, and sometimes I feel like I've never known you at all.

A song, a quote, a picture, it can't explain everyone. It might be similar to how you feel, but nobody knows the situation. We all believe what we want to believe, and look past the reality of it all. Maybe he just doesn't want you.

It makes me so happy that you are happy, but it kills me that I'm not the reason anymore.

Sometimes I really want you to stay in my life, and other times I'm just wondering why I put myself through this. There are a million things I could ask you that you couldn't even answer. I want to know why you are letting someone slip away when they'd do so much for you.

I'm the kind of girl who won't text you first, because she doesn't want to seem needy. The kind who keeps her phone on full blast at night, in case there's a slight chance someone might need her. The kind who's always helping a kind stranger, because you never know the impact you could have on someone. I'm also the kind of girl who cries herself to sleep, but faces the world with a smile. The kind who suffers in silence, and never lets anyone see her at her worst. I lose myself in novels, because I'd rather live the characters lives. I guess I just love everyone more than I could love myself. What can I say, I'm a fuck up with a good heart.

I miss you when something really good happens, because you're the one I want to share it with. I miss you when something is troubling me, because you're the one who understands me so well. I miss you when I laugh and cry, because I know that you are the one that makes my laughter grow, and my tears disappear. I miss you all the time, but I miss you the most when I lay awake at night, and think of all the wonderful times that we spent with each other for those were some of the best and most memorable times of my life. And you were my best friend.

She’s the girl that has a few best friends and doesn’t need anymore. the girl that laughs the hardest at her own jokes. she’s the girl that will hang up on you, but then call you right back and say sorry. she’s the girl who will never leave your side when you need her. the girl who will go out of her way to cheer you up. she’s the girl who never sleeps without her teddy bear by her side. she’s the girl who says she isn’t ticklish, but really is. she’s the girl who will not give up on you if she really believes in you. she’s the girl who believes in loving somebody forever.

I really like talking to you. You make me smile regardless of what we are talking about, what mood I’m in, or what we’re feeling at the moment. I really like talking to you simply because you know exactly what to say to make me smile.

I have learned that sometimes sorry is not enough. Sometimes you actually have to change.

Everyday life is hard, and if you can find someone who makes it easy to be around, never let them go.

I promised myself. I promised I wouldn't fall for you. But you're so enticing. Something about you pulls me in. It's not in the way you look, although the sparkle in your eyes when you're excited does help. It’s in the way you stand. It’s in the way you use your hands when you talk. It’s in a way that I can't even describe. It’s in a way that you're not even aware of.  You have no idea, but you're enchanting. And you're pulling me in closer without even realizing.

There isn't a quick fix for this kind of pain. No band aide could ever heal this cut, and alcohol only makes me miss him more. How do I even begin to explain how I feel about you when you are gone, and how I want to be around you every single second when you are here. I love that I can be your best friend, and that you want to talk to me all time, but it breaks my heart a little more every single day.

I denied my feelings for so long, allowing them to grow stronger and stronger to where I had no idea who I was anymore. I want to spend every second with you, and I want to share my day with you. I can't just be friends.

We had the best summer of our lives, but you and I will never be the same. September took me by surprise and I was left to watch the seasons change. It's been so quiet since you've gone and everyday feels more like a year. Sometimes I wish I could move on, the memories would all just disappear. So many things I should've said when I had the chance, so many times we took it all for granted. I never thought this could ever end, I never thought that I'd lose my best friend, everything is different now, can we stop the world from turning? I never thought I'd have to let you go, I never thought I'd ever feel this low, I wish I could go back.

Loved you for a thousand year, love you for a thousand more.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I am thankful for all the people in my life, and everything that I have been blessed with. Enjoy the post!

There's nothing worse than meeting the perfect person at the wrong time.

I've decided not to get my hopes up about us. I mean just because you text me or talk to me ever once in a while isn't anything special, but the fact that everything you say makes me wanna be with you so much more makes it hard, & the fact that i get butterflies every time i even see you makes its harder.

I think part of the reason I'm attracted to him is because he's such a mess. I mean, the people I have loved in my life have never been easy to love. I'm not used to normal. I'm used to disaster. I don't know, as messed up as he is, he's also sort of exciting, sort of a challenge. I'm accustomed to working for love.

I see your blue eyes every time I close mine. You make it hard to see where I belong to when I’m not around you.

I might not be as pretty as she is, as in shape as she is, and I probably will never have the money she will have, but I have never seen you as happy as when you are around me. I know I am not nearly as happy around anyone else, and this feeling can not be one sided.

I'm so lonely, surrounded by people that know me, but don't know a thing.

I'm tired of all of these love songs; those girls and those times are gone, but my heart keeps holding on. Well I'm tired of thinking about you and the hell that you put me through, but the songs eat up some of the pain, take the place of the tears, and ease the heartache over you, my dear. Well I'm tired of these love songs; they won't make you mine. I’m tired of singing my heart out every night. Well I’m here all alone, with not a soul to hear all these love songs, and where the hell are you, my dear?

I'm just stuck. And there is all this pressure cause everyone is hovering around me waiting for me to do something. Or say something, or flip out, or yell and cry some more and I'm happy to play my part. I'm happy to say the lines and do whatever it is that I'm supposed to be doing if it will make everyone feel more comfortable. But I don't- I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to be this person. I don't- I don't know who this person is.

Maybe it meant something. Maybe not, in the long run, but no explanation, no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you were there and alive in that corner of time and the world. Whatever it meant.

I don't know, I mean I want to be his friend. But then again, I really don't. You know? I mean how can you simply be friends with someone when every time you look at them, you're thinking about how much more you really want.

I honestly thought I could do this without being attached. Just have fun and not give my heart away. But all of a sudden, every smile that comes across your face, and every word you say sticks with me. I can't get you out of my head.

I Almost Do.

Hey Guys and Gals! Just wanted to update! I'm up in Oregon with a broken phone :( Visiting my dad of course! Small post, but I still hope you like it :)

I know what it’s like to be so mad, you go into this blind rage and don’t even remember what you said or did. I know what it’s like to be so heartbroken, you can’t even look at yourself in the mirror without bursting into tears. I know what it’s like to have so many bad things happen to you,you start to lose faith in everything. However, I also know times of pure joy and happiness. And if I can just keep my mind set on those, I know I’ll make it through all of the hard times. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to find the faith I thought I had lost forever.

Why am I so afraid to lose you when you aren’t even mine?

I'm tired of having to explain myself. It would be nice to find a person who just gets it and gets me without having to ask questions. A person who sees how messed up it is that my parents favor my sister, or how they are emotionally not there for me. A person who just gets me, and is willing to just listen when I am having a bad day. Because it sucks keeping it inside all the time.

Please keep telling me to grow up. Tell me everything that I apparently can't do. Please keep talking. Actually, please just shut the fuck up. Because no one knows me, but me, and I am tired of you  trying to tell me otherwise.

I didn’t know what to call it, what was happening between us, but I liked it. It felt silly and fragile and good.

It hurts when you lose someone so close to you. Someone you used to call your best friend. And when she is gone, nothing is the same.

Things that matter are not easy. Feelings of happiness are easy, happiness is not. Flirting is easy, love is not. Saying your friends is easy, being friends is not.

My thoughts tend to sound better in books I didn't write, and in the songs I didn't sing. Even then, sometimes there is no piece of literature, no song, no work of art that can really explain the way you feel. There is a double-edge comfort in knowing that no one really knows.

I might be ok, but I'm not fine at all.

Hello Lovelies! Hope you enjoy the post! The last quote is my absolute favorite. Have a good week :)

I hate how dispensable I am to people. I hate how people feel they can just
forget about me, replace me, erase me without even a second thought. It's like
I don't matter to anyone. And hey, I mean I don't blame you. I'm no one special.
I just thought you were different. I had more faith in you. And you took that,
ripped it up, shoved it in my face and walked away without ever looking back.

If you're gonna leave, I wish you'd just leave. Why do you keep coming back if you're not going to stay? Because even when you're gone, you're never really gone. I won't get over it if you keep coming back. Losing you once was hard enough. And now you're here again and everything's coming back. I'm going to get screwed. And I can't do that again.

Awkward moments define me. I'd sleep all day if I could. I lack the capability to keep my mouth closed. Yeah, everyone has bad days, I just have more frequent ones.If you don't like me, don't act like you do; it really won't offend me. I've made mistakes, I've let people take advantage of me, and I have accepted way less than I deserve.

He was an ass. He made you fall for him and he wasn't there to catch you. But worst of all, he made you trust him. Made you think that he wasn't like all the others. And you know what? He was right. He's not like all the others. He's worse.

i want someone who won't care that i hate wearing shoes, that i'm incapable of sitting still, that i am a complete neat freak and i refuse to be ladylike. someone who realizes that half of the decisions i make are usually ones i regret. and i have the right to overreact at any given moment. i want someone who knows how completely insane i am, and he wouldn't want me any other way.

Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them.

i didn't have one thing to say to her. nothing. my best friend for years, the person i would never run out things to talk about with. we had become total strangers.

It’s really scary when you get attached to someone. You spend time with them, you get to know them. You find yourself knowing their favorite color, food, movie, song. You discover their flaws and their talents. And as time goes on, you learn more and more, absorbing every second of detail without even realizing it. Then one day, you wake up and realize how much this person actually means to you, and you love them for every strength and weakness. They make you feel warm and secure, but most of all, they bring you happiness. And to bring happiness to someone in such a way is a strong and powerful thing. It could break a person completely. Some say those who fall in love are young and dumb. I say they show an incredible amount of bravery. It takes courage to trust somebody with your entire heart.

People always ask her why she puts up with all of his shit, and she doesn't have any sort of answer. She just rolls her eyes, laughs, and says nothing. She acts embarrassed that someone called her out on it, but she wishes they would just open their eyes. She doesn't know why, except for the fact that she accepts him. Hell, she adores him, as ridiculous as that is, and it's beginning to baffle her how nobody sees that.

don't give up easily; I fight for what I want. It takes a lot for me to actually give up on something or someone. I can't just throw away all the hard work and time I put into it. I can't just give up because times are hard, especially if that person means so much to me. I keep fighting for what I want until I can't fight any more, until giving up is the only option I have left.

We had the best years of our lives, but you and I will never be the same. September took me by surprise and I was left to watch the seasons change. It's been so quiet since you've gone and everyday feels more like a year. Sometimes I wish I could move on, the memories would all just disappear. So many things I should've said when I had the chance, so many times we took it all for granted. I never thought this could ever end, I never thought that I'd lose my best friend, everything is different now, can we stop the world from turning? I never thought I'd have to let you go, I never thought I'd ever feel this low, I wish I could go back.